Closeness

I was recently inspired by a new friend to restart my blog. I had forgotten the simple joys I get from freely expressing myself without judgement. Something I find myself seeing less of thankfully as I grow older. I mainly attribute this to my social strata narrowing yet strengthening. I may have fewer friends now than I ever did in high school but the quality of them is evident. I see two classifications of real friends, school and home. School friends are those that were acquired post graduation and have seen wild and crazy things from me. They are around the majority of the year and have helped shape the woman I've become. Between me and them is a close and strange bond that possibly came from necessity but has grown into a deep love. My home friends however bring me unbelievable joy. No group of people is more understanding, compassionate, and flattering than them. Nevertheless, the strongest friendships I have are with people who don't necessarily fall under either catagory. My sister, being the first is and will always be my other half. She has grown this year so much. Im so proud when others say she is exactly like me, because in ways I admire her. The other is my handsome boyfriend. He's been the strength I've needed this year. Not only has he supported me but more importantly taught me how to grow on my own.
I never valued friends the way I do now. I always wanted more of them instead of more from them. It's a beautiful thing to finalize realize whom you wish to surround yourself with and the qualities they all poses. For those of my friends who read this I hope you already know all these statements were true already. I under appreciate many of you at times and understand a schedule shouldn't dictate our closeness. <3

Love

I'm in love. Even better I'm in love with a man who loves me back for exactly who I am. Never once have I questioned if he was faking a smile or a laugh, a promise he has made, or even a gesture given. He has no motives other than to show me how much he cares. I've never felt more lucky in my life. And come to think of it my luck has honestly turned around. The cards never seemed particularly stacked in my favor but ever since the best thing to ever happen to me walked into my life my life has changed rapidly. I feel like a better person being with him. I'm inspired to be all I can be and show him exactly how much love I have for him. The sensation I feel being with him takes away every pain that has ever come my way and I think that says something miraculous about us. 

Shocking

After several years of wadding through the shark infested singles pool of life I have now found a guiding light. A true man, which is even more rare than any other old catch. Though some before may have seemed like prize winners, I was never sure. Many made me into someone different and swim a very different course than my own. He however is my life raft, something I may not have been looking for but came when I needed it most. He gives me strength, direction, and safety among other things. I'm excited to finish this summer, and by no means am I rushing it. I however as well am ready for the new seas I will map as a girlfriend next year. I'm only 20 but I feel as though I've lived a lifetime of loves and losses already. And nevertheless these waters may be uncharted, but I am willing to go into them head on because I'm not alone anymore. And just knowing that fact is enough to lead me, not blindly, but freely, into these new areas with a sense of confidence and security. It is unlike me to give names or any other identifying characteristics out in my posts but for those who don't know me personally I hope this does him justice. It's rare I am at a loss for words, and he makes me that way. Not because I am scared but breathless. I have never felt so lucky.

Protection

Protection or safety is one of Maslow's most basic needs within his hierarchy. The feeling of protection or knowing that you are safe is one that is desired, and often unappreciated when one has it. Now don't get me wrong, by no means am I in a dangerous home or dangerous area for that matter. My physical safety is not always at danger nor is it threatened on a regular basis. Nevertheless, there have been times in my life where I have not been safe physically or emotionally because of my own decisions and they people I allowed in my life. The feelings I have now for a special someone are strong, and may be that way because I know there isn't a worry that he would ever raise a hand in anger towards me nor utter a malicious word. These are things I never thought would be such a selling point but has come to be. A true man is big enough to care for a woman, and a true lady is strong enough to stand up for herself and graceful enough to know when to accept shelter.

exciting news

To my complete and utter surprise chivalry is not dead; there are modern day gentlemen who were raised correctly alive. As shocking as it may be I have encountered someone who is truly as considerate as any casanova can falsely play to be. Now though I may keep more descriptive details as to whom this may be secret, the sheer fact that he is capable of changing my opinion is remarkable. 

Nevertheless, when I think of the idea of chivalry I'd rather envision a John Cushak character than a knight on a horse. Even though I LOVE the thought that the contrary vision makes me into a princess, I hate the idea of being saved by a handsome man is my reward as a woman. Rather, I have been swept off my feet by kindness, compassion, and attraction. 

loyalty

The concept of loyalty has always been an important aspect of my life. Between loyalty to family and friends but to all loved ones. But what exactly does it mean to be loyal? I suppose it depends upon how you would look at it. There is a sense that someone is loyal or faithful to a partner which is separate from being faithful to a friend. For a partner or significant other loyalty is expected yet is to be cherished as if a privilege. There are also two different ways to be loyal to someone you love or care for emotionally and physically. Physically is among the easiest to control one's loyalty to the other and only those who are weak give in to these temptations. Emotionally is much different and takes much longer to hurt your partner. You see to be emotionally loyal to a partner means to me at least to be honest, to speak with conviction, and to selfless in thinking.
As far as being loyal to friends, I have found myself surrounded by it, It's not about just taking sides anymore in fights like we did in high school. Loyalty or allegiance for each other runs deeper. When we face tougher inner struggles and harsher external environments we look to our friends to stand by us loving every moment of who we are regardless of what we are doing.
  But when is being loyal a bad thing? I have found in myself at least that it has come back to bite me. My loyalty runs so deep it is devotion in many cases. As I've said though before I'd rather live the way I do and dive into each emotion, interaction, and experience I have open heartedly than guarded. Some people may see this as naivete towards life and people but to me I'm free. What I have learned though is that not everyone deserves the chances I am willing to give. Loyalty isn't something that should be given. I thank the person who I know will be reading this for teaching me that fact. I hope to give my devotion and heart to someone who deserves it soon.

Father's Day

To all the Dads in the world happy Father's day. I am a very huge daddy's girl, and know he is an avid reader of this (as well as all my other) social networking sites and felt it was only appropriate to express my love and gratitude towards him. Thank you dad for all you have done. You are my saving grace and guiding light. Without you I would have been gone years ago, or still lost today. You have taught me the skills I will need in life to become a wonderful mother, hardworking employee, loyal friend, and most importantly a respectable woman. I hope to someday be the parent you have been to me and clair. I hope you know and can feel the gratitude we have for all the sacrifices you have made for us. We see how hard you work and I admire your selflessness for this family. I love you with all my heart daddy and as I sit here writing this my eyes are welling because I don't think this message truly conveys all the thanks I have for you. Just know that everything you do doesn't go unnoticed. You have taught me the value of hard work, how to be understanding, the reason to share, how to laugh, how to outsmart, the value of family, but most importantly how to love.
          
       I would like to take this time to also say happy father's day to my grandfather. Other than my own dad, this man is the biggest gentlemen with the kindest heart and best stories. I love you grandpa thank you for everything you have given dad and have passed on to me. You are my hero.
       To all the other fathers out there that have also been there for me I appreciate it as well. Though they may not see this as my own dad will I hope they know they too deserve recognition for all they have done.


I love you daddy! I hope the man I marry is half the man you are.