Unclarity

So most of my posts have been about life altering decisions or the contemplation of current choices. So very cliche for someone my age whom is doing that ever so common "who am I?", "where am I going" daily questioning. Yet when I thought of my current unclarity, it was much different. I have been here before. I searched for some guidance or quotation from some respected author to possibly relate to, but I could not find one. Every word of wisdom was about loving one another and life commitments. But what about those times before that, when you're getting to know the person?  I'm in a place where everything is still all so new, but when does that end? I originally had believed it was wrong of me to wonder if there was going to be an expiration nevertheless when it would actually be. But when do couples start getting comfortable with one another and start losing their initial charm that they had originally put out? I see it similarly to what I imagine a peacock's life must be.... Go with me on this one.... Sure they lure you in with the shiny feathers all puffed and appealing, but what happens when they put the feathers down? Does the other peacock feel jipped they didn't really know what they were signing up for? Would they have even gone through the whole process if they had known what the other was to become? I guess I see myself as either side of this analogy. Especially with my circumstances having the one I care for at a distance, and having only met him for a few days, did I present myself in a way that is truest? And if he didn't will I be surprised later on? Essentially it all comes back to what ponders me most, when do the feathers come down? I'm so unfamiliar with dating in the recent years, especially after being hurt so badly in the past, I have essentially avoided it. Now yes, for some reasons that's on me and I was wrong either in the relationship and it wasn't right, or I chose to be single. But I had forgotten each stage of progression new couples go through. Why do we do this to ourselves? Nothing other than the attraction of possibly connecting with someone will twist your heart, head, and stomach into knots more. I have always thought to live life's rollarcoaster. Don't avoid the heights because you are afraid, for that is where the most fun is; Take the lows as they come because that signifies another high in your future. I'd rather feel extreme joy and happiness along with sadness and loss than never reaching those peaks. 

A fresh start

“Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts. You have to remember this when you find yourself at the beginning.”

In the fashion of spring I find myself at a new beginning. Though spring doesn't technically start until the 20th it is the season to start new. Everyone "spring cleans" and the flowers rebloom. We begin to shed our winter layers and expose what has been hiding. This is true for our hearts as well. No other time than when the weather begins to warm are there more budding romances. It seems as the layers that sheltered us before come off, the ones around our hearts do too. I was always an advocate for love and romance until my heart was broken, and rebroken. Cliche of course. But with the turn of the season I have seen myself opening more and more. Now instead of my original guarded attitude I easily lead with my heart into this relationship. Not only has my heart been rejuvenated just as the budding flowers will soon be, but my mind cleared. Though at first I was timid, I can now see what I left behind was upsetting only because it was so taxing and the norm, not because my heart was in pain. I looked forward to seeing what these next few months hold for me. Hopefully we will blossom into something beautiful and we experience things we never have before. 

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else. - Mae West

I have always been about second chances. I feel as though every person deserves to have another light shown on them even if their first performance was not a pretty one.  When you chose a road in life you stay with it, and second chances are simply a turn around. You may either give up there and be stuck, turn around and follow the same path again, or find your way to clarity and try something new. For those who stay, you are cowards who can only stick to your norm whether you like it or not . I hope those who can relate with that can find their way to pick up and move again because life is waiting for those who can help themselves. For those who continue down the same path, shame on you. Life or the people who inhabit yours have given you an opportunity, what is it that prevents you from taking it. You my friends are the worst off. You'd rather be stubborn and continuously retry options already exhausted than accept help from another. Be warned though, some roads may only be traveled oh so many times. Because after a while they become warn and can't handle the constant strain. Maybe it's time for you to start looking at a map.